And we wait...

It's an awful game though. It's a game that involves me jumping every single time my phone rings. It's a game that involves email checks and website checks every few hours. It's a game where I can't see the board and don't know how long we will be playing. It's stressful, long, and frustrating. During fertility treatments we had what we called the 2ww (2 week wait). This was the time between fertilization and when you would know for sure whether you were pregnant or not. It was dreadful. Those 2 weeks would drag on and on, but those 2 weeks are nothing compared to this wait. This is the 2ww on crack. This is the 2ww times 3,476. During the 2ww I had an end date. The date when we either celebrate or cry. The date I knew that it was time to make the next decision and move forward. I don't have a date. For all I know the date could be tomorrow or the date could be in 6 months. And even if we do get a date, there is nothing to say that date will be the end. The mom could always decide to parent once she has the baby and then we are right back into the waiting game.

I knew this part wasn't going to be easy. I have read the blogs and forum postings from people in the waiting game and knew how dreadful they said it was. You just don't believe it could possibly be as bad as they say though until you are playing the game.

Spring break was the worst. I had 2 weeks with nothing to do but sit by my phone and wait for it to ring. I would carry that phone with me EVERYWHERE! All of you that called me during those weeks should be thankful I have caller ID so I didn't answer your call while say, on the toilet. But you better believe that if an unknown number had popped up I would have answered it in 2 seconds, flushing sounds in the background and all. To top it all off, we are supposed to get monthly updates from our agency about what has been going on. How often our letter is being shown, number of adoptions they have done, etc. But we never got one in April. Not sure why at all, but it didn't help my mild moments of craziness.

I have to often stop and remind myself, that really it's only been almost 2 months. This is a very short time in the adoption world. But after waiting almost 3 years to meet our child, I am ready. I am so very ready. Yet all I can do is wait. My brother and his fiancee gave birth to their handsome son, Tayler, yesterday and I contemplated slipping business cards with our information on it underneath doors in the maternity area, but then I feared I would be kicked out and not get to meet my nephew.

Who knows how I am going to make it through the summer once school is out and I am left again with nothing to do all day but sit by the phone and wait for it to ring. Maybe I should take up an activity. I've heard Lebanon has a competitive Frisbee golf league, anybody want to help me train starting at the beginning of June?