2 Things I Learned

Today Travis and I had to go to 2 of the 4 workshops we are required to attend for the adoption. I will openly admit that I had a bad attitude going into these workshops today. First I am bitter that we even had to take classes. Not bitter because we are having to adopt, I think most people are pretty clear at this point that adoption is an obsession of mine, but bitter that it feels like jumping through hoop after hoop just to get our child. I'm thinking that they should start requiring classes when people decide they are going to have sex for the first time. Babies will start to come equipped with a device that can not be removed until they have attended a Sex Workshop. But I don't run this world and I digress...

So anyway, we go to these workshops today. It started off with a presenter who isn't even an adoptive mother. She starts off telling us about her 3 biological kids and how she has never "HAD" to adopt. So many issues here. First is that I hate the idea of someone HAVING to adopt. No one is forced to adopt. It is always presented as a second place finisher to biological children. "Well since we couldn't have our own, we decided to adopt." Now I understand that yes, Travis and I did do all of the fertility procedures before coming to this part of our journey, but in no way have I EVER felt that adoption is our second choice. It was a part of our journey to help us get to our final destination. Honestly it has always been my first choice. Again I will state that I DON'T want to be pregnant. I LOVED when I was pregnant, as short a time as it was, because I was carrying our child, but if I have the option of still having our child and not having to deal with pregnancy, well then that just sounds perfect! But to have a lady who has never dealt with the adoption process trying to tell us how we should act during the process just rubbed me a bit the wrong way. I have nothing against biological parents, but it would be like me trying to talk someone through labor. I have no experience with it! I can't possible understand 100% what it is like to be in full fledged labor. Again though I digress...

Thing #1 that was learned today:

You should make sure your children know they are adopted!

So this lady proceeds to spend the next 3 1/2 hours telling us that we should make sure our children know they are adopted. The whole thing could have been condensed into a 30 minute speech. Also, at least to me, it is very obvious that your child should know they are adopted! It will be pretty obvious to ours from a pretty young age since it will be of a different race, but even if it was a blonde haired blue eyed child that was short (sorry Travis I couldn't resist) we would let that baby know from the first day that it was adopted and how amazingly special that is. Never have I thought that should be a secret. I'm not living in a 1950's sitcom. At the end of the 3 1/2 hours, they did bring in 3 birth moms to talk to us. That part I was interested in. I have never had the experience of listening to a birth mom tell her story. And just like I don't want someone who hasn't been through the adoption process trying to explain to me how I should act and feel, I don't even begin to assume that I know how a birth mother feels. It no doubt has to be one of the hardest things imaginable. I couldn't imagine being in that situation and for that I have an immense amount of respect for these women. I have really struggled lately with the idea of praying every night for a baby when that would mean that another mother would be essentially "losing" her baby. I would fight someone to the death if they ever tried to take our child once we bring them home. But I stumbled upon a blog the other day and in it was written, "You need to pray for a birth mother that needs you just as much as you need them." This put things into a new light for me. There are mothers out there that are in a place where they need us for their child, just as much as we need them. That is what my prayers have changed to. Also, the more I read about, hear from, and meet birth mothers the more it does open my eyes on openess in adoption. An area I thought we were pretty cut and dry on but the more I learn, the more my ideas and views change... but that is a whole different blog.

Thing #2 that was learned today:

People are very quick to get mad!

In the afternoon, we had to do this one activity where they gave us situations and we had to talk with our group about how we would handle the situation. One of the situations was something like, "You are in the grocery store and someone asks you 'How much did he/she cost?'" The response that popped into my head was, "priceless" or if I was feeling particularly fiesty, "enough". But others in the group were very mad about the question. I heard responses such as, " I would hit them with my cart." "Ughhhh that is so rude." "Why would someone even ask that?"

Well people would ask that because they probably know very little about adoption. Or they have only seen information in movies or TV and they want to be educated. Or they are thinking about looking into the world of adoption and honestly cost is a huge part of the process. Those were the reasons I thought that people might ask. Maybe I am just very naive, but I don't think most people would just be trying to be blatently rude. And if they are just being rude, then they need to be educated and me being hateful back to them isn't going to do anything to help them understand. We already determined in the morning session that the child should know they were adopted, so it isn't like this is going to be a huge shock to child when someone in the grocery store asks about the adoption of them, so I'm not sure why everyone got so worked up about this. I LOVE talking about adoption. I LOVE when people ask questions about adoption. I LOVE when people ask me questions about infertility. I feel that God not only gives us experiences to help ourselves grow, but also to help others grow. When we do bring home a baby and it looks nothing like us, people are going to ask questions, and I welcome them openly. Hopefully we can help others understand the love that goes into adoption and how our family is our family no matter what any of us look like. Travis looks nothing like me... but I still consider him family. Travis's family looks nothing like me, but they are my family. Family is love, not looks. And if people need to ask me questions to figure that out, then I will sit and talk to them until they turn to walk away. (Just a heads up to anyone wanting to ask questions, I really do LOVE to talk about it and will probably hold you hostage.)

So that is what I learned today during 8 hours of wonderfulness. But if it brings us one step closer to our baby then I will sit through as many workshops as I have to. Last week we received an update from the agency. We are 9th on the list. (The list is used if a mother doesn't want to choose a family, then they just go in order.) We were shown 4 times last month. So not to bad for only waiting for 2 months. With that idea of waiting, I will leave you all with a poem that I read the other day that perfectly sums up the argument I  have with God on almost a daily basis.

 " The Wait Poem" By Nancy Lee Demoss

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, " Wait."

" Wait? You say wait", my indignant reply.
" Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a ' yes' a ' go-ahead' sign.
Or even a ' no' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
we need to but ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again, " Wait."
So I slumpled in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, " So I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said " I could give you a sign."
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love,
When the peace of my spirit decends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of My comort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond just getting what you ask,
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
wait it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But oh, what a loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see,
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me...
and though oft My answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still " WAIT."