Take 1 1/2



The stage is set, the lights are dimming, the box of meds are back on the counter....ACTION! Take 1 1/2. I'm calling our last go around the 1/2. This time we are aiming for the full 1. As most of you know we had to postpone the last attempt at IVF due to my new job as the retrieval date fell on my first day of work. So again, we just waited.

During the wait, there was of course always those small little nagging thoughts in the back of my mind, "MAYBE, it will just happen." "Was that a pain, I bet it was an egg nestling in." "I think maybe I feel a little nauseous and I'm sure it's not from the half a tub of frosting I just ate."

There were the bartering prayers that I so love to pray with God (because I'm pretty sure he's a gambling man). You know, the ones that go something like, "If you just...... then I will....." FYI, God apparently doesn't make negotiations.

There were pregnancy announcements from friends, who I am VERY VERY excited for, but I still always wonder, "Why not me too?" "I can be a good mom too God, I know I can!"

There were many pictures of people's children with Easter bunnies. I apologize, but I don't know if I could ever allow my child to be photographed with the Easter bunny. Santa, I'm good with, but that bunny is just creepy!

There were 28, yes that's right 28, new students to learn about and love during this time as well.

But now the wait is over. It is time to jump right back on the IVF train. I got my new timeline today. It's looking like I will start the Lupron shots on May 12 with other meds to start up around June 6th and then tentative retrieval date being June18th. Honestly this couldn't have fallen on a better time frame. My last day of school is June 3rd which means that when I start the other meds on the 6th and have to go in for every other day ultrasounds, I won't have to get someone to cover my class in the morning. (It also means I won't be able to sleep in my first week off of work, but hey I'm willing to give and take a bit.)

So I'm going to end my begging and pleading prayers with God and switch back over the ones that let him know that I understand he has a plan. And while I still don't really understand what this plan is or why, I know it's there. So I will pray to be open to his will and everything he has in store for us. I might also just throw a prayer in there for some lucky lottery numbers... hey even if he isn't a gambling man, I don't have a problem with a little wager now and then!

Every evening I turn my worries over to God.  He's going to be up all night anyway. 

 ~Mary C. Crowley