I feel like I am walking down a gravel road wearing REALLY old flip-flops. You know the kind where you can feel every single teeny tiny piece of gravel under your foot and it hurts like crazy. Every little rock feels huge and you just don't know if you can keep walking. Eventually you either get smart and get off the road and walk in the grass, (pretty sure I am just surrounded by a desert of gravel and there is no grass to walk in) or you realize that the HUGE rocks are really just small pebbles that are paving your way forward. Each pebble toughens up your foot just a little bit more until you barely even notice the rocks under your feet. I'm starting to feel like my feet are getting pretty darn calloused. With that said, let me give you our latest update!
2 weeks ago, Travis and I had the blood tests done to see if I had a clotting disorder or if I might have an issue where my body builds up anti-bodies to attack his DNA. The whole concept could actually make a pretty cool horror movie idea. Title: Attack of the Antibodies! You're probably shaking with fear right now just thinking about it!
Good news is, I don't have the clotting disorder!!!!! YAHOOOOOOO but that means that of course I have the rarer of the two which is the Attack of the Antibodies scenario.
Honestly, this didn't even surprise me at this point. It was just another rock under my foot. Now I still don't 100% understand the whole situation. It is still causes clotting problems, "they think". (Pretty reassuring when your doctor isn't even 100% sure what is going on.) The clotting then in turn kills the embryo. I was instructed to start taking a low dose of aspirin right now. 2 days before the transfer I will start heparin shots, 1 in the morning and 1 at night, through 36 weeks if we end up pregnant.
This brings up about 1365 more questions that I need to have answered. I won't bore you with all of them that have rolled through my mind in the last 2 hours since the call from the doctor though. (You can thank me later.) I will say though that it gets really tiring when you think you finally have things figured out only to be given something new to learn about. I have learned so much about the reproduction system int he past 2+ years, I'm pretty sure I could teach classes on it. Now, apparently, I get to learn about the immune system. I'm ready to start learning about being a mom though. I'm ready to start learning about how to know the different cries my child makes and what they need. I'm ready to start learning about how to function through a day with little to no sleep. I'm ready to start learning about diaper changing and teething. Obviously God has different plans though. I was always a self-proclaimed Science hater. You would think by now I would have learned that He enjoys taking all my dislikes, fears, "nevers" and brings them to reality. I'm going to start talking about how much I would hate having lots and lots of money. I would hate driving a Mercedes God. It would be the just awful if I won the lottery Lord. (Do you think reverse psychology works on God?)
So pretty much, I know that there is another problem that we can add to our "why can't we get pregnant" list. I don't completely understand this one though. I do go to the dr. next Wednesday for one last test, just to make sure my uterus has been completely cleared out and there isn't anything in there that could block implantation. We will then wait for the next cycle and start everything for the FET (Frozen Egg Transfer).
I'm not even going to assume that aspirin and heparin shots are going to be the miracle street sign that shows me the way to the grass and off the gravel road, but I do know that my feet are feeling pretty tough at this point. I'm learning to take these pebbles in stride and just keep on walking forward, because I know somewhere there is a grassy field waiting for me to rest my weary feet in, surrounded by Travis and our child.
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