Alright, so I'm going to admit that I used society's taboo image of infertility to get away from a telemarketer. Here's the run down of one of this situation:
I get a call on my cell phone the other day from a lady wanting to give me an "exclusive" deal! I was going to be able to buy a trip for 2 to Vegas for only $199 for 3 nights! I told her I wasn't interested which is when she then (and I'm not exaggerating at all) started talking, without taking a single breath, for 5 straight minutes about what a fabulous deal this was and there was no way I could turn in down. All I would have to do is spend 2 hours on one of the days taking a tour of their hotel, with no obligations at all to buy anything. 5 straight minutes of trying to convince me that I would be the stupidest person on the face of this Earth if I turned her down. She then ended her diatribe by saying, (and I quote), "So would you like to pay for this fabulous offer with your Visa, MasterCard, or Discovery credit card?" I literally started laughing and said, "None of those. I'm not interested, but thank you so much for the offer."
This is where the lady started to get a little testy with me. Now, you see, I had told the lady at the beginning of the call I wasn't interested and it was not in anyway my fault that she was winded from not having taken a breath in the last 5 minutes while telling me all about the 10 acre grounds of her hotel, so I didn't really like her getting angry with me. She snottily said, "and can I ask WHY you wouldn't want to take part in this fabulous offer." To which I replied, "Because my husband and I just recently spent $20,000 trying to have a child by doing IVF this summer of which ended in a miscarriage and now we are getting ready to spend even more money to try again. A vacation isn't really in the budget right now."
Well let me tell you something I have learned over the last 2 1/2 years. People don't like to talk about infertility (unless they are close family or friends) and the especially don't want to talk about a miscarriage. The lady on the phone all of a sudden needed to hang up very quickly. Wished me the best of luck and was gone.
Which got me to thinking. Why is infertility such a taboo subject? When we first started going through all the fertility treatments I didn't even like talking about it. I did not want to admit that I was an "INFERTILE". It seemed like such a dirty dirty word.
It was like I was trying to convince myself it wasn't really true. "No, I'm not infertile.... I just have to give myself lots of shots, let random doctors stick catheters into my uterus full of sperm or fertilized eggs, and obsess over every little cramp or twinge during a 2ww (two week wait for all you non-infertiles). But I'm sure I'm not INFERTILE. We just need a little extra help." By admitting I was infertile was almost like admitting defeat. Like I was accepting the fact that something I really wanted, and most people where able to have, might not ever happen for me. I was able to fool my self the first year, it was getting harder into the second year, and at this point, I have no choice but to accept my membership into the infertility club.
But it's still like being an infertile is like being part of a secret society.
1.) We have our very own language:
DH- Dear Husband
POAS- Pee on a stick
PCOS- Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
AF- Aunt Flow (your period)
2ww- Two week wait (The time between and insemination and a positive test)
BFP- Big freakin positive ( a positive pregnancy test)
BFN- Big freakin negative (what most of us are used to seeing)
RE- Reproductive Endocrinologist
ER- Egg retrieval
ET- Egg transfer
FET- Frozen egg transfer
HSG- Hysterosalpingogram (trying saying that one 5 times fast...)
OPK- Ovulation predictor kit
SA- Seman analysis
TTC- Trying to conceive
It isn't uncommon for two infertiles to be having a conversation that looks like this:
Infertile #1- So AF showed up again before the TWW was even over! .
Infertile #2- Guess it's another BFN :(
Infertile #1- I'll go back to the RE for an HSG.
Infertile #2- Are you going to do an FET?
Infertile #1- Once our RE gets DH's SA back.
(And you thought that these kids and their texting was bad!)
2.) We cry at songs that most people would never even imagine as being tear worthy.
3.) We find meaning in the simplest quotes and plaster those quotes all over our house as inspiration.
4.) We are pretty sure that EVERYTHING is a sign of impending pregnancy.
"Did you see that lady in the background of that movie who was pregnant? She has blonde hair like me! I bet that is a sign that I am going to get pregnant with this round of treatment!"
5.) But most of all we hold onto hope when most people would have given up because we know what is waiting for us at the end of the journey and we know that the it is worth it.
So I will leave you with 2 of those quotes that I, as a proud infertile, have plastered all over as reminders to myself why I put myself through the tears, and the pain, and the uncertainty. And I must say thank you, to everyone who reads this blog and listens to me on my "bad" days, for not being afraid of catching my infertility and have stood by as pillars of strength over the last 2 1/2 years.
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