We have jumped right in to the adoption process. Shortly after the miscarriage, we started doing lots of research into adoption and then when the FET didn't work, we were ready to move forward pretty quickly. I told you the story already of how we decided on transracial domestic adoption, but at that time we still had no idea what agency we were going to be using.
One thing I found with infertility is that lots of people know lots of people that give fabulous advice. I can not even tell you how many people gave us advice as we struggled through infertility. I made some amazing friends throughout the process and could never thank them enough for how much they helped us through. I was scared when we started the adoption process though, because I didn't really think I knew many people that had been through adoption. My cousin had almost adopted a child from China, but an international adoption is very different from a domestic adoption I soon found. Other than that, I didn't think I had any connections to help us through adoptions. Boy was I wrong! The people started pouring in! While I was correct that I didn't actually know anyone who adopted, I knew lots of people who knew lots of people who had adopted... did you follow that one? My friends and family have been able to hook me up with an amazing network of incredibly informative adoptive parents.
One resource was the sister of a friend from high school. She had adopted both of her children. She gave us information about a fabulous agency based out of Muncie. I was able to talk to the director of that agency and while we decided not to go with them because we feared it could be a very long wait to be placed with our child it was a great starting point when I had no idea where to start.
Another resource was a friend from high school. A friend that I was often mistaken for with while in school. I will never forget a very traumatic day in 3rd grade. It was my very first day at school as we had just moved to Mooresville. I was walking down the hall to my classroom when someone ran up behind me and nearly tackled me as she yelled, " I didn't know you were in this class!" I just stared at her as I had no clue who she was or why in the world she would be excited that I was in her class. I later found out that she thought I was someone else, the same someone else who sent me an incredibly informative message about being adopted after finding out that Travis and I were going to be adopting. She had been adopted herself as well as her sister. Her adoption was a closed adoption while her sister's was open. She talked with her sister and let me know both of their prospectives on their adoptions and the pros and cons of open and closed.
Another resource came through my best friend. She made the off hand comment that I should send one of her husband's best friend's wives a message on Facebook... did you follow that one? They had adopted 2 children through transracial domestic adoption. I sent her a message and she wrote me right back. We quickly planned a time to chat on the phone and ended up talking for over an hour. (She has been a FABULOUS resource and I'm pretty sure I drive her crazy with my every other day texts about silly questions. She is always able to offer me fabulous advice though and I will forever be grateful to her for helping a stranger.) She told me about the agency that they used for both their adoptions. It was actually an agency that Travis and I had been previously looking at, so we decided to go back and take another look at them.
After reviewing their website, we decided to set up a time to go in and watch their DVD and have an initial meeting. After a 90 minute video (where I learned a lot about "babys in the bank", 800 lines, and how to sell myself on bulletin boards around 465) and talking to one of the lawyers, we knew that this was the agency that was going to help bring our child to us. The only thing was that since they were lawyers and not social workers, they couldn't do our home study.
This is where our first stumble comes up. I emailed the agency that needed to do the home study to ask them to send us the paper work. The lady got right back to me and said she would send it right out. Everyday I ran excitedly out to the mail box to see if our packet of information was there... it never was. Finally after 6 days had gone by I decided to email the lady back, just to check and make sure she had remembered to send the information. Turns out she didn't. So she sent it that next day and miraculously we had it 2 days later.
So now a lot of craziness happened over the next few days with classes we needed to take, classes we didn't need to take yet, classes we could take later, me almost losing $325, me getting back $325, getting lost in Carmel, and me realizing that Travis and I need to hirer a professional photographer to follow us around and take pictures of us doing "natural" things, as I am really bad about even keeping batteries in my camera.
So after that crazy 4 day drama, we had only one other major hold up. That was the Birth Mom letter. You see, you have to write a letter to prospective birth mothers introducing yourself to them. I couldn't understand though how in the world we were supposed to convey to someone, in 5 written pages, how much we would love to love their child. I kept talking about how I was going to start it, but just couldn't figure it out. I kept trying to tell myself, "It's just like writing these blogs. Just sit down and write." but I couldn't do it. As much as I love you all, it means nothing to me if you don't like what I say in these blogs, or even if they put you to sleep, or you never even read them. It means EVERYTHING to me though that those birth mothers love our letter. It means EVERYTHING to me that when they read the letter they feel an instant connection with us. It is the most important piece of writing I can ever imagine writing. And I just couldn't do it. Tonight I vented my frustrations to Travis and decided to go make some crafts instead. Next thing I knew, Travis is yelling down the hall, "I started the letter, you can read it when you get a chance and make changes." Now I was thinking that maybe he wrote the opening paragraph. So I go into the office and sit down at the computer and notice that not only has he written the opening paragraph, but he had pretty much written the whole letter. He has written the most perfect Birth Mother Letter I have ever read, and trust me, I've read a bunch at this point. I just had to make a few minor tweaks, add my part about him, and write my short biography and we are ready to send it to our lawyer for review.
So we are on our way! We still have quite a bit of paperwork to complete, background checks, physicals, blah blah blah. But it's so great to be started on the process. It is also so great to have the most wonderful people come out of the dark to help us along this path. People that originally I didn't think existed. It's wonderful to have Travis right next to me on this journey, and to be able to complete the pieces that I couldn't complete myself. I know that is exactly how it is going to be as we become parents also. We will feed off each other's strengths and help each other with their weaknesses.
Stay tuned... I'm sure this is only going to get better from her!
One thing I found with infertility is that lots of people know lots of people that give fabulous advice. I can not even tell you how many people gave us advice as we struggled through infertility. I made some amazing friends throughout the process and could never thank them enough for how much they helped us through. I was scared when we started the adoption process though, because I didn't really think I knew many people that had been through adoption. My cousin had almost adopted a child from China, but an international adoption is very different from a domestic adoption I soon found. Other than that, I didn't think I had any connections to help us through adoptions. Boy was I wrong! The people started pouring in! While I was correct that I didn't actually know anyone who adopted, I knew lots of people who knew lots of people who had adopted... did you follow that one? My friends and family have been able to hook me up with an amazing network of incredibly informative adoptive parents.
One resource was the sister of a friend from high school. She had adopted both of her children. She gave us information about a fabulous agency based out of Muncie. I was able to talk to the director of that agency and while we decided not to go with them because we feared it could be a very long wait to be placed with our child it was a great starting point when I had no idea where to start.
Another resource was a friend from high school. A friend that I was often mistaken for with while in school. I will never forget a very traumatic day in 3rd grade. It was my very first day at school as we had just moved to Mooresville. I was walking down the hall to my classroom when someone ran up behind me and nearly tackled me as she yelled, " I didn't know you were in this class!" I just stared at her as I had no clue who she was or why in the world she would be excited that I was in her class. I later found out that she thought I was someone else, the same someone else who sent me an incredibly informative message about being adopted after finding out that Travis and I were going to be adopting. She had been adopted herself as well as her sister. Her adoption was a closed adoption while her sister's was open. She talked with her sister and let me know both of their prospectives on their adoptions and the pros and cons of open and closed.
Another resource came through my best friend. She made the off hand comment that I should send one of her husband's best friend's wives a message on Facebook... did you follow that one? They had adopted 2 children through transracial domestic adoption. I sent her a message and she wrote me right back. We quickly planned a time to chat on the phone and ended up talking for over an hour. (She has been a FABULOUS resource and I'm pretty sure I drive her crazy with my every other day texts about silly questions. She is always able to offer me fabulous advice though and I will forever be grateful to her for helping a stranger.) She told me about the agency that they used for both their adoptions. It was actually an agency that Travis and I had been previously looking at, so we decided to go back and take another look at them.
After reviewing their website, we decided to set up a time to go in and watch their DVD and have an initial meeting. After a 90 minute video (where I learned a lot about "babys in the bank", 800 lines, and how to sell myself on bulletin boards around 465) and talking to one of the lawyers, we knew that this was the agency that was going to help bring our child to us. The only thing was that since they were lawyers and not social workers, they couldn't do our home study.
This is where our first stumble comes up. I emailed the agency that needed to do the home study to ask them to send us the paper work. The lady got right back to me and said she would send it right out. Everyday I ran excitedly out to the mail box to see if our packet of information was there... it never was. Finally after 6 days had gone by I decided to email the lady back, just to check and make sure she had remembered to send the information. Turns out she didn't. So she sent it that next day and miraculously we had it 2 days later.
So now a lot of craziness happened over the next few days with classes we needed to take, classes we didn't need to take yet, classes we could take later, me almost losing $325, me getting back $325, getting lost in Carmel, and me realizing that Travis and I need to hirer a professional photographer to follow us around and take pictures of us doing "natural" things, as I am really bad about even keeping batteries in my camera.
So after that crazy 4 day drama, we had only one other major hold up. That was the Birth Mom letter. You see, you have to write a letter to prospective birth mothers introducing yourself to them. I couldn't understand though how in the world we were supposed to convey to someone, in 5 written pages, how much we would love to love their child. I kept talking about how I was going to start it, but just couldn't figure it out. I kept trying to tell myself, "It's just like writing these blogs. Just sit down and write." but I couldn't do it. As much as I love you all, it means nothing to me if you don't like what I say in these blogs, or even if they put you to sleep, or you never even read them. It means EVERYTHING to me though that those birth mothers love our letter. It means EVERYTHING to me that when they read the letter they feel an instant connection with us. It is the most important piece of writing I can ever imagine writing. And I just couldn't do it. Tonight I vented my frustrations to Travis and decided to go make some crafts instead. Next thing I knew, Travis is yelling down the hall, "I started the letter, you can read it when you get a chance and make changes." Now I was thinking that maybe he wrote the opening paragraph. So I go into the office and sit down at the computer and notice that not only has he written the opening paragraph, but he had pretty much written the whole letter. He has written the most perfect Birth Mother Letter I have ever read, and trust me, I've read a bunch at this point. I just had to make a few minor tweaks, add my part about him, and write my short biography and we are ready to send it to our lawyer for review.
So we are on our way! We still have quite a bit of paperwork to complete, background checks, physicals, blah blah blah. But it's so great to be started on the process. It is also so great to have the most wonderful people come out of the dark to help us along this path. People that originally I didn't think existed. It's wonderful to have Travis right next to me on this journey, and to be able to complete the pieces that I couldn't complete myself. I know that is exactly how it is going to be as we become parents also. We will feed off each other's strengths and help each other with their weaknesses.
Stay tuned... I'm sure this is only going to get better from her!
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