Open Vs. Closed

One question that keeps coming up from people is open or closed. Had you asked me about 4 months ago, I would have said, "With out a doubt, not open! There is no way I could have an open adoption. I need this baby to MINE, all MINE! I don't want a birth mother coming back and into my life and trying to have anything to do with MY child!" Or something close to along those lines... At some point you would think someone would tell me to stop making such affirmative statements. It is only ammunition for God to laugh and say, "Watch this!"And that is exactly what I think he did...

Over the last few months I could honestly feel God changing my heart. It wasn't like I woke up one morning and said, "By golly, I want an open adoption!" But it was a very slow and steady change. He would put articles in front of me that talked about the positives of open adoption, he put many different people, in forums that I visit on adoption, that had open adoptions and spoke of the positives behind it, he even put a couple of Lifetime movies on TV that I happened to stumble across that spoke of open adoptions. (Not that I'm basing any life decisions on Lifetime movies... but you know what I'm saying.)

I started to realize that closed adoption or even semi-open adoption (letters and updates sent through the agency) were what I wanted... and not what could be best for the child. As any parent knows, once you become a parent, your wants and needs are pretty much gone. There is no room to be selfish anymore. You have to do what is best for that child. I had to put myself in the shoes of my child and see open vs. closed adoption from their prospective. Do I want my child scrambling around when they are 18 and want answers? Do I want to see the pain in my child's eyes as they can't locate their birth family? Is that fair to the child just because I had fears and wanted them to only be MINE? The truth of the matter is that they aren't just going to be MINE. Travis and I will be the parents. We will be Mom and Dad. We will love this child as if it were biologically ours. But honestly they are also a part of someone else. I now see how important it is for the child to understand that. I think the conversations as our child gets older will be much easier also if there has been some form of communication between us and their birth mom. I'm still not going all crazy and talking about visitations or anything... although who knows what God will decide for me. (We have all learned I'm not charge).  I can see emails and texts though and I'm surprisingly 100% excited about that idea for my child... not just for myself.


For an update on what is going on: We received an invoice today from the agency! Many people might cringe when they get a bill, especially one this large, but to us this means that they have talked to A and she has approved us for a final match! Again, nothing is final until birth and signing, but it is a step forward, and right now that is all I can focus on!