Wow! We are so close. So very very close. Keegan is due in exactly 8 days. Now we all know that babies come when they want and that 8 days could easily turn into 18 days or even 8 hours. But still, just knowing that we have made it this far is pretty darn amazing. Since my last post we had our baby shower. A shower that I wasn't going to let happen, but am glad that I did.

As I've made pretty clear this whole time, A could still change her mind and decide to parent. (Adoption classes have taught me that you aren't supposed to say "keep the baby".) Nothing is 100% legit until she gives birth and signs the papers. So when the idea of a baby shower came up I said ,"NO! What if she changes her mind and we have all this stuff for Keegan and no Keegan to use all the stuff on!" As I think I posted about before though, my mind was changed and I gave my consent to move forward.

My sister, mom, step-mom, and many others all teamed up to put on an amazing shower! It was so fabulous to see all the family and friends who love Keegan so much and can't wait to meet him. It also didn't hurt that I wasn't 8 months pregnant and could actually enjoy my shower. I have been to so many of my friends baby showers were they are MISERABLE! They are hot, and huge, and tired. I was cool, and slimish, and full of energy! I was able to enjoy my shower and all the people who came! I could walk around the room without my belly smashing into things to talk to people. I could easily stand up and sit down in chairs... watching pregnant people try to sit down and stand up always makes me cringe (and even laugh a little on the inside). It just looks so difficult to do. I could then come home and look back through everything and not have to take a nap because I was so worn out. (I'm telling people... the whole pregnancy thing is REALLY overrated!) Here's a glimpse at a lot of the goodies that Keegan received:

Since my last post I also purchased A's birthmother gift. Many of you saw them on Facebook, but I'll put the picture up here as well.

They are 2 keychains with the ending of my most favoritist quote in the whole world.

He is hers in a way he will never be mine. He is mine in a way he will never be hers, and so together we are motherhood.   --Desha Wood

 

There are really no better words to sum up how I feel about this whole process. Then of course there is the circle with his initials on them. KXJ- Keegan Xavier Jones. She will have one and I will have one. Even if A chooses to not stay a part of our lives (which I hope and pray won't happen) she will always be a part of Keegan's life. Together we will be motherhood to Keegan. Rather she is telling him her story, or I am telling him her story. She is forever a part of our lives. This was a concept that literally 4 months ago freaked me our like nothing else. This is the reason we were a phone call away from doing an international adoption. I was 100% convinced I NEVER wanted a birth mother as a part of my life. (Oh that dreaded word NEVER... it's almost like I could hear God laughing and screaming at me, "When will you learn my child?!?!?!" at that moment but chose to ignore him.) This was going to be MY child and I wasn't going to share it with anyone but Travis... and that is only because I'm married to him and have to... J/K... of course I was kidding about that last part... ANYWAY, I remember filling out the forms when we first signed with the agency and one of the questions was about our willingness for an open adoption. 100% closed adoptions are almost unheard of anymore, so I felt obligated to check the box that said we would send pictures and updates. There were then options. You could do that for 5 years or 18 years. I remember saying to Travis that we would just do 5 years and then move on. But then we met A and as anyone who has talked to me in the past 3 months knows, my whole view point has done a 180. If A is not a part of our lives, I will be very sad. Sad for Keegan and what he will miss out on. A is not a burden in my life, she is an amazing gift who has given us exactly what I have begged and prayed for the last 3 1/2 years. She is the woman is who is selflessly going to be handing her child over to us and is trusting that we are going to give her child everything she couldn't give him. For anyone who is a parent already, I'm sure you can't even imagine doing such a thing. I have no clue how she is going to have the strength to do this, but I am 99.9999% sure that she is going to. I have nothing but respect and admiration for A and what she is doing, and I will only be honored if she chooses to continue to be a part of our lives in some form.

 

So now we just wait. Every single time my phone goes off I jump because it could be A letting us know she is in labor. Even Travis has started asking who it is, and he normally doesn't even blink an eye when my phone goes off. So as always, we can't thank you all enough for your love, prayers, and thoughts. While it seems like the beginning of this journey is winding down, a new one is getting ready to begin. And I just can't wait!

Oh! and one last thing... just because all pregnant people get to do this and I didn't yet! Here is my 39 weeks belly shot...